I haven't updated in a while, and I have a few minutes here, so I thought I would bring everyone up to date on our life.

Baby Sophia is rolling EVERYWHERE! I'm not too sure that she's too fond of crawling, but when she needs to go somewhere or get something she will roll herself there, it's pretty cute and very funny. Oh, and she's officially learned how to get out of her boppy! Can you believe that?! Daddy said that one day he put her in it and gave her some toys and left her in the living room while he went to go take a quick shower, and when he came back out, she was halfway to the kitchen! I didn't believe it, but a few days ago, sure enough I watched her do it. She will scoot herself all the way down, so her legs are dangling and touching the floor, and her head is where her butt should be, then she rolls over on her stomach and scoots the rest of her body off the boppy and onto the floor! She is gonna be trouble, I can tell, and a crib jumper, just like me and daddy, ahahaha. It's quite funny I must say, but now I'm not so comfortable with leaving her in it unsupervised. She's 6 months and 3 weeks, and she can't sit up yet, but she loves too. I think I'm going to pass on the Bumbo seat for now, since I waited too long, I think.

I haven't taken her swimming yet this summer, which I feel sad about, because she loves water! Like mother, like daughter. I even bought her, her first swimming suit, decked out in the Little Mermaid and all, haha, of course. So, I hope I get to take her before summer is over, can you believe it's like halfway over?!

So, she had her first fourth of july! here are some pictures..








It got really chilly as the sun went down, so thank goodness that being the overly worried mother I am, I packed 2 extra blankets and a sweater for her. I thought she would be scared of the fireworks and would cry, and we'd have to end up leaving, because we were super close to them, but she ended up sleeping through all of them, every now and then I'd see a little eye open but she would drift back asleep, so it was nice for me and daddy to watch them together and not have to worry about her. It was nice, and I can't wait till next year when she'll actually be excited for them.

My birthday is coming up at the end of this month, and me and daddy are getting a room for the night after dinner and drinks, and it will officially be the very first night, since she was born that I will be away from her for an entire night. I'm not too sure how I will handle that, but she will be in good hands with grandma and grandpa. I'll still probably end up calling, haha.

Other than that, just been busy with work, daddy, the baby, and the daily duties of a mother. Oh yeah, and the teeth are coming, she's fussin more now about her mouth, I can tell. Time to stock up on the Orajel, haha. How did you handle teething?

Besides my own daughter, this little girl is by far the cutiest little girl I have ever seen. Her voice is so amazing and so innocent. I can't even handle it, it brings me to tears everytime I watch this.

I know we all want our kids to have every talent ever and be good at everything. But is there one thing you hope you're child grows up to be good at? Is there one secret talent you want to instill in him or her? I will never become a stage mom, but I will instill the things I think will be good for her, much like my mom did for me. My mom started taking me to have piano lessons when I was 10 years old, I started cheerleading at 13, and voice lessons and 14. I have now played piano for over 10 years, singing for just as many, and I was a cheerleader for 7 years. All three of those things were my life and my love. I can't tell you how many times I came home from piano lessons and told my mom I was gonna quit, but she wouldn't let me. There was even a period where I hated piano and hated her for making me go. But I got over it, and quickly learned to love it again. Through the years, I played in high school concerts, talent shows, I was our church's pianist for hymns every Sunday, I played in college and countless other activities that I enjoyed. I have sang since I can remember and I have always loved it, although I will never do it in front of a crowd. And we will not go into cheerleading because that was my LIFE in high school, it's what I lived, breathed, and ate. Never once did I regret having my mother instill those things into my life and I look back at those things I did and I am proud.

And now that I have a daughter of my own, guess what I want her to do? Piano, singing, and cheerleading...haha. I will never force her to do something she doesn't want to do, but instilling things in her that will possibly enjoy is my right as a mother. Cheerleaders/dancers are bred from birth so you better believe that when she gets to that age of 3-4 she's going to take some kind of dance lessons or something to get out of the house and out of in front of the television. I'm sure an instrument will come naturally, but my mother always had a piano in the house which was what made me curious and ultimatly made me ask my mother if I could get lessons. I will also do the same for my daughter. And if my daughter will grow to love music as much I do, singing will come naturally as well. Now, mind you...if she grows up to like baseball, computers, and wrestling I will be a little dissapointed, but if she's good at them I will be the proudest mom of the coolest daughter ever. She is her own person, as was I, but there was always music playing in my house growing up which made me appreicate good music....it's all about surroundings and how you were raised. My mother never brought the idea of playing the piano up, I asked for it, and it was probably because of the kind of enviornment she had me in. I will let Sophia be her own person, at the same time instilling things my mother instilled in me.

Is there anything you secretly hope your child grows up to be good at?

So, another momaroo friend wrote about her problem with her self image and body post baby, which made me leave a ridiculously long comment, which got me to thinking, I should just write a blog on this myself. So here I am...

So, there I was, 5'1'', 130lbs, size 7 jeans, pretty good shape...then...BAM....along comes a baby and there goes my body. Little did I know just how badly this baby would affect my body and my self-esteem. I figured, I'd get a few strech marks, gain a few pounds, and most of it would be gone by the summer (she was born on December 30th). Fast forward to June, summer's here! Already? No! It can't be! I look like I just had a baby last week! I need more time! Why do I still look the same exact I did 5 1/2 months ago?! I asked myself those questions everyday as summer creeped closer without an inch of compassion for me. As I'm sure other mothers are reading this and laughing, because it's so true. Now I'm 5'1'', 170 lbs, size 14 jeans (if I'm lucky), and still heave up the stairs. Pathetic.

I didn't bounce back from the weight as I anticipated, I still eat like I'm pregnant and not because I choose too, but because my appetite is still heavy, my strech marks are still purple, and I got strech marks where I didn't even think you could get strech marks, and I still wear maternity clothes 80% of the time. It wasn't until I literally DRAGGED myself with a friend to Sears and Target and found out what size I am in clothes. I went from small and medium tee's to XL and size 7 to 14 jeans and even then I have to suck it in and wear big shirts so my flab doesn't show. That was possibly one of the worst days of my life, and I am not exaggerating. I was so depressed that day it was unbelievable. Here I am thinking that I'm going to feel better cuz I'm going to get out of maternity clothes..only to not end up not wanting to wear them and looking so disgustingly at the clothes I bought. And everybody always says "well, you have an excuse you just had a baby" Yeah...that excuse expired about 3 months ago, what am I going to be saying that when she's 5?
"Gabby, why do you still look like a beached whale?"
"Oh, I just had a baby"
"Oh really?! Congrats! When?"
"5 years ago"

No....I don't think so. And I'm not the type of person that has any kind of metabolism whatsoever...in fact I'm pretty sure I have none. If I eat, you can tell, If I don't eat, you can tell. It all goes directly to my stomach the second I swallow it and it's horrible. This also makes thing 100 times worse becuase it has been and is affecting me and the hubby's intimate life. I dress and undress in complete darkness or I leave the room if he needs the light on. I refuse for him to be in the shower with me and I make sure he never gets a glimpse of my stomach. I am so incredibly insecure about myself that when he comes home from work I make sure I put on makeup and do my hair so he doesn't see me like some slob or some whale he has to live with.

I've cried myself to sleep so many nights becuase of the insecurity, the longingness to feel like I once did, the sexiness I wish I could feel and have, the entire closet full of clothes that haven't been worn in over a year. And the fact that summer came and jeans and black tarps that I wear as shirts is what I have to deal with. Not a single thing from before I was pregnant fits me, and I refused to buy a lot of maternity clothes when I was pregnant becuase I didn't want to face the fact that my normal clothes would not fit me after I have the baby. It's frustrating, it's tiresome, it's not healthy, and it's the worst thing a mother has to deal with.

In the time of joy and love when you have a baby, you feel almost selfish to feel unhappy because this little angel did such horrendous WONDERS to your body. I'm just so tired of being tired. I NEVER have time to work out, and all the little things I've done to perk myself up...hair cut and styled, nails, new outfits, makeup....just isn't cutting it, becuase when I take all that off, this disgusting creature I see before me brings me to tears and I just want to lock myself up. Of course Michael tells me I'm beautiful and all that...but he's supposed to say that, or he'll be in bigger trouble...and I know that he still loves me and finds me attractive...but us women, we can read men, we know when they look at us a certain way - the way they did when we were young, we first met, and they thought we were the sexiest thing alive and wanted to take us down right then and there...we all want that look again from our man, but most importantly I want to just feel like myself again. I feel like I'm in somebody else's body, and I don't like it.

I just want to take off the fat suit and breathe again. This has been the most difficult thing I've to endeaur...given my background of self-esteem issues when I was younger and eating disorders coming into the picture...you can only realize what it's taking me to not starve myself and just do it the old fashion way. I'm brought to tears from the frustration and lack of ''women'' I feel....